Gratitude is the “forgotten factor” in happiness research. We are engaged in a long-term research project designed to create and disseminate a large body of novel scientific data on the nature of gratitude, its causes, and its potential consequences for human health and well-being. Scientists are latecomers to the concept of gratitude. Religions and philosophies have long embraced gratitude as an indispensable manifestation of virtue, and an integral component of health, wholeness, and well-being. Through conducting highly focused, cutting-edge studies on the nature of gratitude, its causes, and its consequences, we hope to shed important scientific light on this important concept. This document is intended to provide a brief, introductory overview of the major findings to date of the research project. For further information, please contact Robert Emmons at The University of California, Davis. This project is supported by a grant from the John Templeton Foundation.
Measuring the Grateful Disposition
Most people report being grateful (an average rating of nearly 6 on a 7 point scale).
Well-Being: Grateful people report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress. The disposition toward gratitude appears to enhance pleasant feeling states more than it diminishes unpleasant emotions. Grateful people do not deny or ignore the negative aspects of life.
Prosociality: People with a strong disposition toward gratitude have the capacity to be empathic and to take the perspective of others. They are rated as more generous and more helpful by people in their social networks (McCullough, Emmons, & Tsang, 2002).
Spirituality: Those who regularly attend religious services and engage in religious activities such as prayer reading religious material score are more likely to be grateful. Grateful people are more likely to acknowledge a belief in the interconnectedness of all life and a commitment to and responsibility to others (McCullough et. al., 2002). Gratitude does not require religious faith, but faith enhances the ability to be grateful.
Materialism: Grateful individuals place less importance on material goods; they are less likely to judge their own and others success in terms of possessions accumulated; they are less envious of others; and are more likely to share their possessions with others relative to less grateful persons.
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Selected Bibliography
Bono, G., Emmons, R.A., & McCullough, M.E. (2004). Gratitude in practice and the practice of gratitude.
In P. A. Linley and S. Joseph (Eds.), Positive psychology in practice. New York: Wiley.
Emmons, R.A., & McCullough, M.E. (Eds.). (2004). The psychology of gratitude. New York: Oxford University Press.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
WHEN PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU
PROFILING SPIRITUAL ABUSERS
A. Here is a profile contrasting true and false leadership from my files that may help you to better recognize spiritual abuse:
• Abusers drive; leaders lead (John 10:11-15).
• Abusers say, "I"; true leaders say, "We" (1 Cor. 3:5-9).
• Abusers insist on being served; true leaders serve (Matt.23.11).
• Abusers govern by guilt and fear; true leaders create trust (1 Thess. 2:10-11).
• Abusers control by guilt and manipulation; true leaders influence by example (Phil. 3.17).
• Abusers think themselves better than others; true leaders esteem others better than themselves (Phil. 2.3).
• Abusers rely on the power of authority; true leaders rely on the power of servanthood (Matt.20.25).
• Abusers make service and ministry a grind; true leaders make work worthwhile (Nehemiah).
• Abusers serve themselves and their goals; true leaders serve others (1 Cor. 9:19).
• Abusers wield authority; true leaders empower people (2 Tim. 2:2).
• Abusers fix blame; true leaders fix mistakes (Phm. 18-19).
• Abusers know how; true leaders show how (Ex. 18:17).
B. From his examination of Matthew 23, Ken Blue, in his timely book, Healing Spiritual Abuse, outlines the following "symptoms of abusive religion":
• Abusive leaders base their spiritual authority on their position of office rather than on their service to the group. Their style of leadership is authoritarian.
• Leaders in abusive churches often say one thing but do another. Their worth and deeds do not match.
• They manipulate people by making them feel guilty for not measuring up spiritually. They lay heavy religious loads on people and make no effort to lift those loads. You know you are in an abusive church if the loads just keep getting heavier.
• Abusive leaders are preoccupied with looking good. They labor to keep up appearance. They stifle any criticism that puts them in a bad light.
• They seek honorific titles and special privileges that elevate them above the group. They promote a class system with themselves at the top.
• Their communication is not straight. Their speech becomes especially vague and confusing when they are defending themselves.
• They major on minor issues to the neglect of the truly important ones. They are conscientious about religious details but neglect God’s larger agendas.
III. INTERESTING PARALLELS
It is interesting, if not shocking, to discover that abusive religious leaders share a host of traits common to domestic batterers. According to studies offered by such organizations as the Project for Victims of Family Abuse and the Crisis Support Network, among others, domestic abusers are characterized by:
__Controlling and manipulative behavior in relationships;
__Insistence on a "pecking order" with them at the top;
__Demand for rigid rules fortifying their authority;
__Using shame and guilt to buffer control;
__Use privilege and entitlement to maintain status;
__Require unrealistic expectations of you and others;
__Push for hasty decisions and immediate responses;
__Refuse to negotiate or compromise decisions;
__Intolerant of differing views;
__Hypersensitive to criticism;
__Exhibit insatiable ego needs;
__Demonstrate childlike narcissism;
__Unreasonable possessiveness;
__Isolate you from other people, groups and ideas;
__Verbally and psychologically degrade subordinates;
__Blame others for problems;
__Deny personal responsibility for problems;
__Use of coercion and intimidation to gain the advantage.
Draw your own conclusions. An abuser is an abuser, in your home or in your church.
Eight Woes Upon The Pharisees
1. WOE: Antagonism Against God
Matthew 23:13 But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.
Matthew 23:13
a [shut up the kingdom of heaven against men] Withhold from men the truth and teach false doctrines.
2. WOE: Oppression - Hypocrisy
Matthew 23:14 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.
Matthew 23:14
a [devour widows’ houses] A reference to robbing widows of property (cp. 2 Tim. 3:5-9).
b [long prayer] Prayers were sometimes three hours long and three times a day (cp. Matthew 6:5-9).
c [greater damnation] See §Matthew 10:15.
Matthew 10:15
a [It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha ...] The 9th New Testament prophecy in Matthew (Matthew 10:15-26; Matthew 10:15,23,26 are unfulfilled; Matthew 10:16-22,24-25 have been and are still being fulfilled). Next, §Matthew 10:32.
b [more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, that for that city] This teaches degrees of punishment in hell (Matthew 11:22; Matthew 12:41; Matthew 23:14; Mark 6:11; Mark 12:40; Luke 10:14; Luke 11:31-32; Luke 20:47; Rev. 20:11-15).
3. WOE: Damnation Of Souls
Matthew 23:15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.
Matthew 23:15
a[compass sea and land to make one proselyte] An idiom for doing all in their power to make converts, not to God, but to their own sect.
b[proselyte] Greek: proselutos (GSN-4339), a newcomer, a convert from a Gentile religion to Judaism (Acts 2:10; Acts 6:5; Acts 13:43).
Two Classes of Jewish Proselytes:
1.Proselytes of righteousness who received circumcision and vowed to keep the whole law of Moses and all requirements of Judaism.
2.Proselytes of the gate (Exodus 20:10; Deut. 5:14; Deut. 24:16-21) who dwelt among Israel, and, although uncircumcised, observed the "seven precepts of Noah" which, according to the rabbis, were laws against idolatry, blasphemy, homicide, unchastity, theft or plundering, rebellion against rulers, and the use of "flesh with the blood thereof." They were called the scabs of the Jewish church. History records that they were more bitter against Christ and Christians than Jews, fulfilling this verse.
c[child of hell] Greek: gehenna (GSN-1067). "Child of hell" means one destined to hell (note, John 17:12 and note, Luke 12:5).
A. Here is a profile contrasting true and false leadership from my files that may help you to better recognize spiritual abuse:
• Abusers drive; leaders lead (John 10:11-15).
• Abusers say, "I"; true leaders say, "We" (1 Cor. 3:5-9).
• Abusers insist on being served; true leaders serve (Matt.23.11).
• Abusers govern by guilt and fear; true leaders create trust (1 Thess. 2:10-11).
• Abusers control by guilt and manipulation; true leaders influence by example (Phil. 3.17).
• Abusers think themselves better than others; true leaders esteem others better than themselves (Phil. 2.3).
• Abusers rely on the power of authority; true leaders rely on the power of servanthood (Matt.20.25).
• Abusers make service and ministry a grind; true leaders make work worthwhile (Nehemiah).
• Abusers serve themselves and their goals; true leaders serve others (1 Cor. 9:19).
• Abusers wield authority; true leaders empower people (2 Tim. 2:2).
• Abusers fix blame; true leaders fix mistakes (Phm. 18-19).
• Abusers know how; true leaders show how (Ex. 18:17).
B. From his examination of Matthew 23, Ken Blue, in his timely book, Healing Spiritual Abuse, outlines the following "symptoms of abusive religion":
• Abusive leaders base their spiritual authority on their position of office rather than on their service to the group. Their style of leadership is authoritarian.
• Leaders in abusive churches often say one thing but do another. Their worth and deeds do not match.
• They manipulate people by making them feel guilty for not measuring up spiritually. They lay heavy religious loads on people and make no effort to lift those loads. You know you are in an abusive church if the loads just keep getting heavier.
• Abusive leaders are preoccupied with looking good. They labor to keep up appearance. They stifle any criticism that puts them in a bad light.
• They seek honorific titles and special privileges that elevate them above the group. They promote a class system with themselves at the top.
• Their communication is not straight. Their speech becomes especially vague and confusing when they are defending themselves.
• They major on minor issues to the neglect of the truly important ones. They are conscientious about religious details but neglect God’s larger agendas.
III. INTERESTING PARALLELS
It is interesting, if not shocking, to discover that abusive religious leaders share a host of traits common to domestic batterers. According to studies offered by such organizations as the Project for Victims of Family Abuse and the Crisis Support Network, among others, domestic abusers are characterized by:
__Controlling and manipulative behavior in relationships;
__Insistence on a "pecking order" with them at the top;
__Demand for rigid rules fortifying their authority;
__Using shame and guilt to buffer control;
__Use privilege and entitlement to maintain status;
__Require unrealistic expectations of you and others;
__Push for hasty decisions and immediate responses;
__Refuse to negotiate or compromise decisions;
__Intolerant of differing views;
__Hypersensitive to criticism;
__Exhibit insatiable ego needs;
__Demonstrate childlike narcissism;
__Unreasonable possessiveness;
__Isolate you from other people, groups and ideas;
__Verbally and psychologically degrade subordinates;
__Blame others for problems;
__Deny personal responsibility for problems;
__Use of coercion and intimidation to gain the advantage.
Draw your own conclusions. An abuser is an abuser, in your home or in your church.
Eight Woes Upon The Pharisees
1. WOE: Antagonism Against God
Matthew 23:13 But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.
Matthew 23:13
a [shut up the kingdom of heaven against men] Withhold from men the truth and teach false doctrines.
2. WOE: Oppression - Hypocrisy
Matthew 23:14 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.
Matthew 23:14
a [devour widows’ houses] A reference to robbing widows of property (cp. 2 Tim. 3:5-9).
b [long prayer] Prayers were sometimes three hours long and three times a day (cp. Matthew 6:5-9).
c [greater damnation] See §Matthew 10:15.
Matthew 10:15
a [It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha ...] The 9th New Testament prophecy in Matthew (Matthew 10:15-26; Matthew 10:15,23,26 are unfulfilled; Matthew 10:16-22,24-25 have been and are still being fulfilled). Next, §Matthew 10:32.
b [more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, that for that city] This teaches degrees of punishment in hell (Matthew 11:22; Matthew 12:41; Matthew 23:14; Mark 6:11; Mark 12:40; Luke 10:14; Luke 11:31-32; Luke 20:47; Rev. 20:11-15).
3. WOE: Damnation Of Souls
Matthew 23:15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.
Matthew 23:15
a[compass sea and land to make one proselyte] An idiom for doing all in their power to make converts, not to God, but to their own sect.
b[proselyte] Greek: proselutos (GSN-4339), a newcomer, a convert from a Gentile religion to Judaism (Acts 2:10; Acts 6:5; Acts 13:43).
Two Classes of Jewish Proselytes:
1.Proselytes of righteousness who received circumcision and vowed to keep the whole law of Moses and all requirements of Judaism.
2.Proselytes of the gate (Exodus 20:10; Deut. 5:14; Deut. 24:16-21) who dwelt among Israel, and, although uncircumcised, observed the "seven precepts of Noah" which, according to the rabbis, were laws against idolatry, blasphemy, homicide, unchastity, theft or plundering, rebellion against rulers, and the use of "flesh with the blood thereof." They were called the scabs of the Jewish church. History records that they were more bitter against Christ and Christians than Jews, fulfilling this verse.
c[child of hell] Greek: gehenna (GSN-1067). "Child of hell" means one destined to hell (note, John 17:12 and note, Luke 12:5).
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
STEPS TO AVOID BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF
Excellent advice from ehow.com:
•Invite conflict. In if you are a person whom avoids conflict you are apt to say yes even if not in agreement. This does not serve a healthy purpose for you. How many times have you ended up watching a movie you had no interest in due to saying yes? How many times have you dedicated a weekend to a cause not your own or not of your interest? When you just say yes it is a lose-lose situation. Your not being true to yourself. The other person does not get to know you and your interest. Relationships need to be built on trust and similar interest in order to truly be successful. By being true to your own interest and speaking up your conversation will be interesting also.
•Step 2
Feel free to ask others for help when needed. Sharing need allows for others to know you better and for you to feel support. The moving party I had one time was a blast. It made the pain of moving bearable. It gave a valuable amount of time where we were together, sharing and moving forward in accepting change. As strange as it sounds, inviting people to help you gives them a feeling of being important in your life. Once again it is a relationship builder. Not something to be avoided like the plague.
•Step 3
Learn to say NO. When you allow yourself to say no you are valuing yourself and your time. Friends and acquaintances understand you have limits. It is time you realize it too. If you feel something is worthy of your time, then take it on. Weigh out if you have the time or the desire and go with your decision without regret. If you are true to yourself then you will be valued and will value yourself.
Read more: How to Stop being Taken Advantage Of. | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4503050_stop-being-taken-advantage.html#ixzz0uFVCYRaN
•Invite conflict. In if you are a person whom avoids conflict you are apt to say yes even if not in agreement. This does not serve a healthy purpose for you. How many times have you ended up watching a movie you had no interest in due to saying yes? How many times have you dedicated a weekend to a cause not your own or not of your interest? When you just say yes it is a lose-lose situation. Your not being true to yourself. The other person does not get to know you and your interest. Relationships need to be built on trust and similar interest in order to truly be successful. By being true to your own interest and speaking up your conversation will be interesting also.
•Step 2
Feel free to ask others for help when needed. Sharing need allows for others to know you better and for you to feel support. The moving party I had one time was a blast. It made the pain of moving bearable. It gave a valuable amount of time where we were together, sharing and moving forward in accepting change. As strange as it sounds, inviting people to help you gives them a feeling of being important in your life. Once again it is a relationship builder. Not something to be avoided like the plague.
•Step 3
Learn to say NO. When you allow yourself to say no you are valuing yourself and your time. Friends and acquaintances understand you have limits. It is time you realize it too. If you feel something is worthy of your time, then take it on. Weigh out if you have the time or the desire and go with your decision without regret. If you are true to yourself then you will be valued and will value yourself.
Read more: How to Stop being Taken Advantage Of. | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4503050_stop-being-taken-advantage.html#ixzz0uFVCYRaN
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