WHEN PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU

PROFILING SPIRITUAL ABUSERS

A. Here is a profile contrasting true and false leadership from my files that may help you to better recognize spiritual abuse:
• Abusers drive; leaders lead (John 10:11-15).
• Abusers say, "I"; true leaders say, "We" (1 Cor. 3:5-9).
• Abusers insist on being served; true leaders serve (Matt.23.11).
• Abusers govern by guilt and fear; true leaders create trust (1 Thess. 2:10-11).
• Abusers control by guilt and manipulation; true leaders influence by example (Phil. 3.17).
• Abusers think themselves better than others; true leaders esteem others better than themselves (Phil. 2.3).
• Abusers rely on the power of authority; true leaders rely on the power of servanthood (Matt.20.25).
• Abusers make service and ministry a grind; true leaders make work worthwhile (Nehemiah).
• Abusers serve themselves and their goals; true leaders serve others (1 Cor. 9:19).
• Abusers wield authority; true leaders empower people (2 Tim. 2:2).
• Abusers fix blame; true leaders fix mistakes (Phm. 18-19).
• Abusers know how; true leaders show how (Ex. 18:17).

B. From his examination of Matthew 23, Ken Blue, in his timely book, Healing Spiritual Abuse, outlines the following "symptoms of abusive religion":
• Abusive leaders base their spiritual authority on their position of office rather than on their service to the group. Their style of leadership is authoritarian.
• Leaders in abusive churches often say one thing but do another. Their worth and deeds do not match.
• They manipulate people by making them feel guilty for not measuring up spiritually. They lay heavy religious loads on people and make no effort to lift those loads. You know you are in an abusive church if the loads just keep getting heavier.
• Abusive leaders are preoccupied with looking good. They labor to keep up appearance. They stifle any criticism that puts them in a bad light.
• They seek honorific titles and special privileges that elevate them above the group. They promote a class system with themselves at the top.
• Their communication is not straight. Their speech becomes especially vague and confusing when they are defending themselves.
• They major on minor issues to the neglect of the truly important ones. They are conscientious about religious details but neglect God’s larger agendas.

III. INTERESTING PARALLELS
It is interesting, if not shocking, to discover that abusive religious leaders share a host of traits common to domestic batterers. According to studies offered by such organizations as the Project for Victims of Family Abuse and the Crisis Support Network, among others, domestic abusers are characterized by:

__Controlling and manipulative behavior in relationships;
__Insistence on a "pecking order" with them at the top;
__Demand for rigid rules fortifying their authority;
__Using shame and guilt to buffer control;
__Use privilege and entitlement to maintain status;
__Require unrealistic expectations of you and others;
__Push for hasty decisions and immediate responses;
__Refuse to negotiate or compromise decisions;
__Intolerant of differing views;
__Hypersensitive to criticism;
__Exhibit insatiable ego needs;
__Demonstrate childlike narcissism;
__Unreasonable possessiveness;
__Isolate you from other people, groups and ideas;
__Verbally and psychologically degrade subordinates;
__Blame others for problems;
__Deny personal responsibility for problems;
__Use of coercion and intimidation to gain the advantage.

Draw your own conclusions. An abuser is an abuser, in your home or in your church.

Eight Woes Upon The Pharisees
1. WOE: Antagonism Against God

Matthew 23:13 But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.

Matthew 23:13
a [shut up the kingdom of heaven against men] Withhold from men the truth and teach false doctrines.

2. WOE: Oppression - Hypocrisy

Matthew 23:14 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.

Matthew 23:14
a [devour widows’ houses] A reference to robbing widows of property (cp. 2 Tim. 3:5-9).
b [long prayer] Prayers were sometimes three hours long and three times a day (cp. Matthew 6:5-9).
c [greater damnation] See §Matthew 10:15.

Matthew 10:15
a [It shall be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha ...] The 9th New Testament prophecy in Matthew (Matthew 10:15-26; Matthew 10:15,23,26 are unfulfilled; Matthew 10:16-22,24-25 have been and are still being fulfilled). Next, §Matthew 10:32.
b [more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrha in the day of judgment, that for that city] This teaches degrees of punishment in hell (Matthew 11:22; Matthew 12:41; Matthew 23:14; Mark 6:11; Mark 12:40; Luke 10:14; Luke 11:31-32; Luke 20:47; Rev. 20:11-15).

3. WOE: Damnation Of Souls

Matthew 23:15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.

Matthew 23:15
a[compass sea and land to make one proselyte] An idiom for doing all in their power to make converts, not to God, but to their own sect.
b[proselyte] Greek: proselutos (GSN-4339), a newcomer, a convert from a Gentile religion to Judaism (Acts 2:10; Acts 6:5; Acts 13:43).
Two Classes of Jewish Proselytes:
1.Proselytes of righteousness who received circumcision and vowed to keep the whole law of Moses and all requirements of Judaism.
2.Proselytes of the gate (Exodus 20:10; Deut. 5:14; Deut. 24:16-21) who dwelt among Israel, and, although uncircumcised, observed the "seven precepts of Noah" which, according to the rabbis, were laws against idolatry, blasphemy, homicide, unchastity, theft or plundering, rebellion against rulers, and the use of "flesh with the blood thereof." They were called the scabs of the Jewish church. History records that they were more bitter against Christ and Christians than Jews, fulfilling this verse.
c[child of hell] Greek: gehenna (GSN-1067). "Child of hell" means one destined to hell (note, John 17:12 and note, Luke 12:5).